Tears to ecstasy

This program is like falling in love and then out of love everyday. It seems like each time a woman arrives in labor and it is my turn to be her Midwife I open my arms wide, my heart jumping and I fall in love in moments wanting to share every little thing about her with the people around me, wanting them to see how amazing she is feeling blessed that I got one of the “special” ones. I marvel at how she walks, breaths and moves. And then I watch as she gives birth, as life emerges from her body, as she pours her physical strength into the task at hand. Seeing her face as she holds her baby for the first time, a look of dazed shock and then an over joy as she knowingly takes this small being into her arms and begins the processes of nurturing her child for life.

Other times the world seems to be crashing down on my head and I doubt myself and wonder if I can actually do this program, actually complete it. I feel as though I am drowning in it all, my essence slowly seeping from my body, my creativity dead and sleep becoming a fantasy. Some days my actions are robotic, the same questions asked over and over again. Get file, run through questions and vitals, put file away and move onto the next and then the next and then next.

Some days I step outside and look up and around me. Hear church bells in the background, laugh at the kittens outside or breath in the air and marvel how the sunlight reflects on objects around me and I remember.

Tears to ecstasy, tears to ecstasy.